Am I a Tomato?

This week I was mentioned in Forbes.  They didn’t give my name, but they did tell a very personal story about my relationship with money.  The journalist had permission, but as a woman who has lots of words to use up on a daily basis, I found their edited rendition of my tale to be lacking. So below I’ve detailed the bigger picture.

Since I am a Certified Financial Planner, I hope you will see the dichotomy of my professional expertise and my personal financial woundedness. It is a common occurrence to have our confidence eroded by negative experiences that cause us to question our capabilities. The important part is recognizing it has happened and reframing our situation to create a more positive outcome.

I am fortunate to be training with Luna Jaffe, who is changing the way people relate to their money.  Her colorful book “Wild Money” has been a terrific challenge to me and my coaching clients.

Recently, Luna and I were discussing an exercise in the book where I was challenged to come up with an image or object that represented my relationship with money. I was surprised that a tomato popped into my head. Not just any tomato.  My faded, hand-me-down tomato pin cushion. Once I was asked to explain the image, I had a bizarre realization.  I am that pin cushion.

In the deep recesses of my mind, I guess the pins are my money issues.  And frankly, they hurt.  After years of dealing with two expensive chronic illnesses in my family, I have to admit to feelings of dread with each medical bill that arrives.  Things were much worse a few years ago when recurring hospitalizations ate up our emergency funds and then some. But even now, we still get several medical bills each week and the wounds created from those early years never quite feel like they have healed.

In my exercise with Luna, she asked how I could change the image of the pin cushion to represent healing.  She suggested I remove the pins.  That sounded nice, but I knew it wasn’t realistic (I mean if we have suspended disbelief long enough to imagine I’m a tomato, we may as well see the analogy all the way through, right?). Those pins aren’t going anywhere, the medical bills will always show up in the mailbox.  But I CAN change the way I relate to them.  In my mind, I changed the felt fabric of the cushion to a mesh fabric, one that has holes where the pins are meant to go.  The new cushion doesn’t get hurt by the pins, it was created in a way that holding those pins makes it productive and effective (again, that’s an idealogical stretch, but just go with me here).

Practically speaking, no one makes a pin cushion out of mesh.  So when I googled to find a photo of my ideal pin cushion, I came up empty.  But I did find this (image at right.)  It’s magnetic, so the pins don’t “hurt” anybody. It has a separate section for needles, so your tools are organized. Plus, it’s not a tomato, it’s a heart.  That just feels better.

Upon realizing that most of our family emergencies take the form of hospitalizations, we have opened and funded a Health Savings Account (HSA).  This makes me feel like the pins don’t hurt as much since the money is, for all intents and purposes, already “spent.” We grew tired of our Flexible Spending Account (here’s a good comparison of HSAs and FSAs) due to the need to prove to the administrator that our expenses were, indeed, medical. (I mean, what ELSE what would I be buying when I write a huge check to the hospital? Christmas gifts? Puhleez.) Plus the HSA helps me focus on saving for emergencies while the FSA made me think about spending. So even though my overall financial situation hasn’t changed — net worth is the same, income is the same, medical bills are the same — I have created a system where I feel like I have more control. Plus my pins are more organized and don’t hurt anymore.

So what about you?  Are there financial wounds from your past that need to be healed? Let’s talk. You can rest assured that I know where you are coming from because – heavens to Mugatroyd – I’m a pin cushion. 

 To learn more about Luna Jaffe and her amazing book Wild Money, click here to read her write-up in Forbes. 

I am available to coach you through Wild Money, if you want to heal your own financial relationship. Read about my coaching packages for more detail.