Do we need to love our money?

Lately there has been a movement encouraging women to love their money and every Valentine’s Day, it crops up again. The concept counters the historical tendency of women avoiding (or being forced out of) financial dealings to the point of remaining unengaged in our financial affairs.

So rather than approaching money with timidity, trepidation, or all-out-denial, we are told we should embrace our money and its power. Love it as opposed to ignoring it.

I’m all in when we’re encouraging women to take control of their money rather than letting it control them. But I’m not sure we need to love it.

The love of money is often considered a negative human trait, especially when taken to an extreme. For example, most people strongly disliked Ebenezer Scrooge’s character. He was greedy, self-centered, and lacked any empathy whatsoever. If you met someone like him today, you would likely write him off with a cuss word that loosely translates into “jerk.” While the pursuit of money is important in our country, making it into an idol we worship is dangerous and frankly we don’t usually like the people who do.

So do we need to love our money? Well, maybe it would be nice not to hate it so much. Let’s imagine that money is a woman for just a moment. She walks into a room and you immediately dislike her. She hasn’t even opened her mouth yet but you can tell what she’s thinking just because of that smug look on her face. The phrase inhabiting the thought bubble you picture over her head is something like, “I am the greatest person in the room! I am the only friend you will ever need.”

But is that really what she’s thinking? Perhaps your past relationships with people who look like her are tainting your view of this woman you’ve never met. Often, women avoid financial issues because we dislike money. I get it, money has been associated with bad experiences in our pasts, but if you really look at those situations, wasn’t money just the fall-guy/gal? Those situations were probably caused more by human behaviors than money itself, weren’t they?

On the other end of the spectrum, what if you imagine money as someone you loved like a significant other. Have you been griping at it for things that it didn’t really do? Did you have excessive expectations for what it would do for you? Were you thinking that — in this relationship – both sides would be committed to contributing to the whole?

Therein lies the problem. Money itself can’t contribute anything. It’s just a piece of paper, or a number. It can’t love you back.

And that’s why I would rather not coach my clients into loving their money. But I am wholeheartedly working with women to help them not hate it so much. Somewhere along the love/hate spectrum is a healthy balance where our perspective of our finances contributes to our overall wellbeing. 

Bringing women to a greater level of financial wellness is a passion that drives my professional life. Please let me know if I can help you as you strive to become more financially well.